Friday, January 9, 2009

My "New Normal"

I'm beginning to settle into what lymphoma patients refer to as their "new normal". Just a hair over three months ago I was diagnosed with follicular non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (fNHL), and on that day, October 1, 2008, my world was suddenly turned upside-down. Nothing would ever be the same again for me or my family.

Imagine, if you will, that you've been falsely accused of a murder. You're innocent of course, yet you go to trial and are found guilty and condemned to death. All the way to the gallows you're screaming, "I'm innocent! I didn't do it!"...that's sort of what it's like to hear your doctor tell you that you've got cancer, especially if it's considered incurable. I'm a health freak, an organic gardener, an ex-marathon could I have cancer?! I don't smoke, only drink occasionally, hate to take any kind of body is a temple; I should treat it with respect. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

Yet here I am left wondering "why me?" and "how'd I get this?" Dozens of times a day, every day, I think about cancer... think about my lymphoma, its causes, its treatments. I think about my mortality. I think about God. I think about every bit of food I put into my mouth and wonder if I'm feeding me or the cancer. That's my "new normal".

In the coming days I will write about the various tests I've had so far and the treatments I've already undergone and those that I will possibly have in the future. And I will talk about my new normal.